Maybe Then You Might Know What Its Like To Have To Lose

I never thought our picture perfect life would be this way
I never knew when I held my baby the first time it would be a fight to keep her alive
I never got to really enjoy her before she got sick
I never thought I'd be the Mother judged for doing what is right and that is taking my child to the doctor
but I am...
I never thought my family would have to watch helplessly
and I never thought I'd be accused of hurting my kids I love more then this world
especially my smallest little girl
I don't understand their logic behind all of this at all
I feel afraid to call 911 and I feel like I'm pushed up aganist a wall
I've started this blog to release a lot of these emotions I've had to keep inside of me
I feel like as an American and as a Mother I don't have the right to speak
I have to get this out as its bothering me more then I can say
I never thought I'd feel fear of being judged
as I don't drink I don't smoke and I don't do drugs
I spoil my kids with kisses and hugs
I cry when my daughter is held down for shots
I know I have a Husband that I love very much
but my kids are all I've got
I've had them threatened to be snatched from me for an illness I don't have
I have cried many nights and even screamed myself to sleep from the pain doctors have caused my daughter and I
I have even gone as far as to question why I'm alive
as this is the hardest battle I've ever fought
I've been so weak my body has given out I'm pregnant with our 3rd child and afraid of loosing him
The stress I'm under is so hard to bare especially when you can tell the doctors anything about your youngest child and they act like they don't care
I'm struggling right now but I know we will make it through this but I keep asking myself why would they do this
I don't deserve to be treated this way at all
and most importantly my Daughter doesn't deserve to suffer
I feel like a failure as her Mother...
I hope some day soon I can help her and they stop causing us so much pain
I have nothing to gain from any of this except a cure an answer... so it is with this first post I share with you my journey with a medical mystery illness